lunes, 28 de diciembre de 2009
HOWL, by Allen Ginsberg
HOWL
For Carl Solomon
I
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by
madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn
looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly
connection to the starry dynamo in the machin-
ery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat
up smoking in the supernatural darkness of
cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities
contemplating jazz,
who bared their brains to Heaven under the El and
saw Mohammedan angels staggering on tene-
ment roofs illuminated,
who passed through universities with radiant cool eyes
hallucinating Arkansas and Blake-light tragedy
among the scholars of war,
who were expelled from the academies for crazy &
publishing obscene odes on the windows of the
skull,
who cowered in unshaven rooms in underwear, burn-
ing their money in wastebaskets and listening
to the Terror through the wall,
who got busted in their pubic beards returning through
Laredo with a belt of marijuana for New York,
who ate fire in paint hotels or drank turpentine in
Paradise Alley, death, or purgatoried their
torsos night after night
with dreams, with drugs, with waking nightmares, al-
cohol and cock and endless balls,
incomparable blind; streets of shuddering cloud and
lightning in the mind leaping toward poles of
Canada & Paterson, illuminating all the mo-
tionless world of Time between,
Peyote solidities of halls, backyard green tree cemetery
dawns, wine drunkenness over the rooftops,
storefront boroughs of teahead joyride neon
blinking traffic light, sun and moon and tree
vibrations in the roaring winter dusks of Brook-
lyn, ashcan rantings and kind king light of mind,
who chained themselves to subways for the endless
ride from Battery to holy Bronx on benzedrine
until the noise of wheels and children brought
them down shuddering mouth-wracked and
battered bleak of brain all drained of brilliance
in the drear light of Zoo,
who sank all night in submarine light of Bickford's
floated out and sat through the stale beer after
noon in desolate Fugazzi's, listening to the crack
of doom on the hydrogen jukebox,
who talked continuously seventy hours from park to
pad to bar to Bellevue to museum to the Brook-
lyn Bridge,
lost battalion of platonic conversationalists jumping
down the stoops off fire escapes off windowsills
off Empire State out of the moon,
yacketayakking screaming vomiting whispering facts
and memories and anecdotes and eyeball kicks
and shocks of hospitals and jails and wars,
whole intellects disgorged in total recall for seven days
and nights with brilliant eyes, meat for the
Synagogue cast on the pavement,
who vanished into nowhere Zen New Jersey leaving a
trail of ambiguous picture postcards of Atlantic
City Hall,
suffering Eastern sweats and Tangerian bone-grind-
ings and migraines of China under junk-with-
drawal in Newark's bleak furnished room,
who wandered around and around at midnight in the
railroad yard wondering where to go, and went,
leaving no broken hearts,
who lit cigarettes in boxcars boxcars boxcars racketing
through snow toward lonesome farms in grand-
father night,
who studied Plotinus Poe St. John of the Cross telep-
athy and bop kabbalah because the cosmos in-
stinctively vibrated at their feet in Kansas,
who loned it through the streets of Idaho seeking vis-
ionary indian angels who were visionary indian
angels,
who thought they were only mad when Baltimore
gleamed in supernatural ecstasy,
who jumped in limousines with the Chinaman of Okla-
homa on the impulse of winter midnight street
light smalltown rain,
who lounged hungry and lonesome through Houston
seeking jazz or sex or soup, and followed the
brilliant Spaniard to converse about America
and Eternity, a hopeless task, and so took ship
to Africa,
who disappeared into the volcanoes of Mexico leaving
behind nothing but the shadow of dungarees
and the lava and ash of poetry scattered in fire
place Chicago,
who reappeared on the West Coast investigating the
F.B.I. in beards and shorts with big pacifist
eyes sexy in their dark skin passing out incom-
prehensible leaflets,
who burned cigarette holes in their arms protesting
the narcotic tobacco haze of Capitalism,
who distributed Supercommunist pamphlets in Union
Square weeping and undressing while the sirens
of Los Alamos wailed them down, and wailed
down Wall, and the Staten Island ferry also
wailed,
who broke down crying in white gymnasiums naked
and trembling before the machinery of other
skeletons,
who bit detectives in the neck and shrieked with delight
in policecars for committing no crime but their
own wild cooking pederasty and intoxication,
who howled on their knees in the subway and were
dragged off the roof waving genitals and manu-
scripts,
who let themselves be fucked in the ass by saintly
motorcyclists, and screamed with joy,
who blew and were blown by those human seraphim,
the sailors, caresses of Atlantic and Caribbean
love,
who balled in the morning in the evenings in rose
gardens and the grass of public parks and
cemeteries scattering their semen freely to
whomever come who may,
who hiccuped endlessly trying to giggle but wound up
with a sob behind a partition in a Turkish Bath
when the blond & naked angel came to pierce
them with a sword,
who lost their loveboys to the three old shrews of fate
the one eyed shrew of the heterosexual dollar
the one eyed shrew that winks out of the womb
and the one eyed shrew that does nothing but
sit on her ass and snip the intellectual golden
threads of the craftsman's loom,
who copulated ecstatic and insatiate with a bottle of
beer a sweetheart a package of cigarettes a can-
dle and fell off the bed, and continued along
the floor and down the hall and ended fainting
on the wall with a vision of ultimate cunt and
come eluding the last gyzym of consciousness,
who sweetened the snatches of a million girls trembling
in the sunset, and were red eyed in the morning
but prepared to sweeten the snatch of the sun
rise, flashing buttocks under barns and naked
in the lake,
who went out whoring through Colorado in myriad
stolen night-cars, N.C., secret hero of these
poems, cocksman and Adonis of Denver-joy
to the memory of his innumerable lays of girls
in empty lots & diner backyards, moviehouses'
rickety rows, on mountaintops in caves or with
gaunt waitresses in familiar roadside lonely pet-
ticoat upliftings & especially secret gas-station
solipsisms of johns, & hometown alleys too,
who faded out in vast sordid movies, were shifted in
dreams, woke on a sudden Manhattan, and
picked themselves up out of basements hung
over with heartless Tokay and horrors of Third
Avenue iron dreams & stumbled to unemploy-
ment offices,
who walked all night with their shoes full of blood on
the snowbank docks waiting for a door in the
East River to open to a room full of steamheat
and opium,
who created great suicidal dramas on the apartment
cliff-banks of the Hudson under the wartime
blue floodlight of the moon & their heads shall
be crowned with laurel in oblivion,
who ate the lamb stew of the imagination or digested
the crab at the muddy bottom of the rivers of
Bowery,
who wept at the romance of the streets with their
pushcarts full of onions and bad music,
who sat in boxes breathing in the darkness under the
bridge, and rose up to build harpsichords in
their lofts,
who coughed on the sixth floor of Harlem crowned
with flame under the tubercular sky surrounded
by orange crates of theology,
who scribbled all night rocking and rolling over lofty
incantations which in the yellow morning were
stanzas of gibberish,
who cooked rotten animals lung heart feet tail borsht
& tortillas dreaming of the pure vegetable
kingdom,
who plunged themselves under meat trucks looking for
an egg,
who threw their watches off the roof to cast their ballot
for Eternity outside of Time, & alarm clocks
fell on their heads every day for the next decade,
who cut their wrists three times successively unsuccess-
fully, gave up and were forced to open antique
stores where they thought they were growing
old and cried,
who were burned alive in their innocent flannel suits
on Madison Avenue amid blasts of leaden verse
& the tanked-up clatter of the iron regiments
of fashion & the nitroglycerine shrieks of the
fairies of advertising & the mustard gas of sinis-
ter intelligent editors, or were run down by the
drunken taxicabs of Absolute Reality,
who jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge this actually hap-
pened and walked away unknown and forgotten
into the ghostly daze of Chinatown soup alley
ways & firetrucks, not even one free beer,
who sang out of their windows in despair, fell out of
the subway window, jumped in the filthy Pas-
saic, leaped on negroes, cried all over the street,
danced on broken wineglasses barefoot smashed
phonograph records of nostalgic European
1930s German jazz finished the whiskey and
threw up groaning into the bloody toilet, moans
in their ears and the blast of colossal steam
whistles,
who barreled down the highways of the past journeying
to each other's hotrod-Golgotha jail-solitude
watch or Birmingham jazz incarnation,
who drove crosscountry seventytwo hours to find out
if I had a vision or you had a vision or he had
a vision to find out Eternity,
who journeyed to Denver, who died in Denver, who
came back to Denver & waited in vain, who
watched over Denver & brooded & loned in
Denver and finally went away to find out the
Time, & now Denver is lonesome for her heroes,
who fell on their knees in hopeless cathedrals praying
for each other's salvation and light and breasts,
until the soul illuminated its hair for a second,
who crashed through their minds in jail waiting for
impossible criminals with golden heads and the
charm of reality in their hearts who sang sweet
blues to Alcatraz,
who retired to Mexico to cultivate a habit, or Rocky
Mount to tender Buddha or Tangiers to boys
or Southern Pacific to the black locomotive or
Harvard to Narcissus to Woodlawn to the
daisychain or grave,
who demanded sanity trials accusing the radio of hyp
notism & were left with their insanity & their
hands & a hung jury,
who threw potato salad at CCNY lecturers on Dadaism
and subsequently presented themselves on the
granite steps of the madhouse with shaven heads
and harlequin speech of suicide, demanding in-
stantaneous lobotomy,
and who were given instead the concrete void of insulin
Metrazol electricity hydrotherapy psycho-
therapy occupational therapy pingpong &
amnesia,
who in humorless protest overturned only one symbolic
pingpong table, resting briefly in catatonia,
returning years later truly bald except for a wig of
blood, and tears and fingers, to the visible mad
man doom of the wards of the madtowns of the
East,
Pilgrim State's Rockland's and Greystone's foetid
halls, bickering with the echoes of the soul, rock-
ing and rolling in the midnight solitude-bench
dolmen-realms of love, dream of life a night-
mare, bodies turned to stone as heavy as the
moon,
with mother finally ******, and the last fantastic book
flung out of the tenement window, and the last
door closed at 4. A.M. and the last telephone
slammed at the wall in reply and the last fur-
nished room emptied down to the last piece of
mental furniture, a yellow paper rose twisted
on a wire hanger in the closet, and even that
imaginary, nothing but a hopeful little bit of
hallucination
ah, Carl, while you are not safe I am not safe, and
now you're really in the total animal soup of
time
and who therefore ran through the icy streets obsessed
with a sudden flash of the alchemy of the use
of the ellipse the catalog the meter & the vibrat-
ing plane,
who dreamt and made incarnate gaps in Time & Space
through images juxtaposed, and trapped the
archangel of the soul between 2 visual images
and joined the elemental verbs and set the noun
and dash of consciousness together jumping
with sensation of Pater Omnipotens Aeterna
Deus
to recreate the syntax and measure of poor human
prose and stand before you speechless and intel-
ligent and shaking with shame, rejected yet con-
fessing out the soul to conform to the rhythm
of thought in his naked and endless head,
the madman bum and angel beat in Time, unknown,
yet putting down here what might be left to say
in time come after death,
and rose reincarnate in the ghostly clothes of jazz in
the goldhorn shadow of the band and blew the
suffering of America's naked mind for love into
an eli eli lamma lamma sabacthani saxophone
cry that shivered the cities down to the last radio
with the absolute heart of the poem of life butchered
out of their own bodies good to eat a thousand
years.
II
What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open
their skulls and ate up their brains and imagi-
nation?
Moloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Ashcans and unob
tainable dollars! Children screaming under the
stairways! Boys sobbing in armies! Old men
weeping in the parks!
Moloch! Moloch! Nightmare of Moloch! Moloch the
loveless! Mental Moloch! Moloch the heavy
judger of men!
Moloch the incomprehensible prison! Moloch the
crossbone soulless jailhouse and Congress of
sorrows! Moloch whose buildings are judgment!
Moloch the vast stone of war! Moloch the stun-
ned governments!
Moloch whose mind is pure machinery! Moloch whose
blood is running money! Moloch whose fingers
are ten armies! Moloch whose breast is a canni-
bal dynamo! Moloch whose ear is a smoking
tomb!
Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows!
Moloch whose skyscrapers stand in the long
streets like endless Jehovahs! Moloch whose fac-
tories dream and croak in the fog! Moloch whose
smokestacks and antennae crown the cities!
Moloch whose love is endless oil and stone! Moloch
whose soul is electricity and banks! Moloch
whose poverty is the specter of genius! Moloch
whose fate is a cloud of sexless hydrogen!
Moloch whose name is the Mind!
Moloch in whom I sit lonely! Moloch in whom I dream
Angels! Crazy in Moloch! Cocksucker in
Moloch! Lacklove and manless in Moloch!
Moloch who entered my soul early! Moloch in whom
I am a consciousness without a body! Moloch
who frightened me out of my natural ecstasy!
Moloch whom I abandon! Wake up in Moloch!
Light streaming out of the sky!
Moloch! Moloch! Robot apartments! invisible suburbs!
skeleton treasuries! blind capitals! demonic
industries! spectral nations! invincible mad
houses! granite cocks! monstrous bombs!
They broke their backs lifting Moloch to Heaven! Pave-
ments, trees, radios, tons! lifting the city to
Heaven which exists and is everywhere about
us!
Visions! omens! hallucinations! miracles! ecstasies!
gone down the American river!
Dreams! adorations! illuminations! religions! the whole
boatload of sensitive bullshit!
Breakthroughs! over the river! flips and crucifixions!
gone down the flood! Highs! Epiphanies! De-
spairs! Ten years' animal screams and suicides!
Minds! New loves! Mad generation! down on
the rocks of Time!
Real holy laughter in the river! They saw it all! the
wild eyes! the holy yells! They bade farewell!
They jumped off the roof! to solitude! waving!
carrying flowers! Down to the river! into the
street!
III
Carl Solomon! I'm with you in Rockland
where you're madder than I am
I'm with you in Rockland
where you must feel very strange
I'm with you in Rockland
where you imitate the shade of my mother
I'm with you in Rockland
where you've murdered your twelve secretaries
I'm with you in Rockland
where you laugh at this invisible humor
I'm with you in Rockland
where we are great writers on the same dreadful
typewriter
I'm with you in Rockland
where your condition has become serious and
is reported on the radio
I'm with you in Rockland
where the faculties of the skull no longer admit
the worms of the senses
I'm with you in Rockland
where you drink the tea of the breasts of the
spinsters of Utica
I'm with you in Rockland
where you pun on the bodies of your nurses the
harpies of the Bronx
I'm with you in Rockland
where you scream in a straightjacket that you're
losing the game of the actual pingpong of the
abyss
I'm with you in Rockland
where you bang on the catatonic piano the soul
is innocent and immortal it should never die
ungodly in an armed madhouse
I'm with you in Rockland
where fifty more shocks will never return your
soul to its body again from its pilgrimage to a
cross in the void
I'm with you in Rockland
where you accuse your doctors of insanity and
plot the Hebrew socialist revolution against the
fascist national Golgotha
I'm with you in Rockland
where you will split the heavens of Long Island
and resurrect your living human Jesus from the
superhuman tomb
I'm with you in Rockland
where there are twenty-five-thousand mad com-
rades all together singing the final stanzas of the Internationale
I'm with you in Rockland
where we hug and kiss the United States under
our bedsheets the United States that coughs all
night and won't let us sleep
I'm with you in Rockland
where we wake up electrified out of the coma
by our own souls' airplanes roaring over the
roof they've come to drop angelic bombs the
hospital illuminates itself imaginary walls col-
lapse O skinny legions run outside O starry
spangled shock of mercy the eternal war is
here O victory forget your underwear we're
free
I'm with you in Rockland
in my dreams you walk dripping from a sea-
journey on the highway across America in tears
to the door of my cottage in the Western night
domingo, 27 de diciembre de 2009
sábado, 26 de diciembre de 2009
* Top 11: Albums 2009 *
¿Y por qué 10, eh? Acá van mis 11 del año, sin demasiada diferencia entre primeros puestos y últimos, en orden ascendente (casi) sólo por capricho.
11. Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion
El niño mimado del '09 sin dudas. Algunos les adjudican megalomanía a esta gente, otros genialidad y visión de futuro. Lo cierto es que más allá de lo novedoso, raro, atmosférico, hetéreo y disociado de la época (¿o de todas las épocas?), los A.C. sacaron un disco-obra de arte único que seguramente nos esté abriendo una de las puertas hacia la música del futuro.
10. Post War Years - The Greats And The Happenings
MUSICA con todas las letras. Este disco suena completo como un menú al que no le falta nada desde lo cuantioso hasta los detalles más delicados. Un sonido exquisito e influencias de lo más variadas: jazz, rock, pop, funk, new age. Un joyita.
9. The XX - XX
Divertido y sexy disco de pop para disfrutar con diversos estados de ánimo. Un buen compañero de emociones, muy bien logrado sonoramente.
8. Girls - Album
Difícil describir a un grupo que no es ni del todo novedoso ni del todo clásico: seguramente ahí resida gran parte de su atractivo. Acordes clásicos y letras sugerentes para este grupo que le pone música de fondo a la mejor de las adolescencias.
7. The Antlers - Hospice
Hay luz al final del túnel, pero antes paseemos un poco por el túnel. La primera vez quería llorar y limpiarme las lágrimas con vidrio roto más o menos, pero después me di cuenta de que es una genialidad hasta un poco optimista. Vale la pena el viaje.
6. Micachu & The Shapes - Jewllery
¡Cuánta creatividad que hay en este disco! Sin pretenciones, pero con ideas diversas y exploradoras, este grupo vuelve a poner en el centro de la escena lo divertido que puede ser mezclar emociones, bailarlas y que, encima, quede todo tan bien.
5. Neon Indian - Psychic Chasms
Indefinible, inencasillable, irresistible, bailable. El pop de goma y los sonidos lo-fi a la orden del día para esta discazo con brillo y estilos propios. Una de esas cosas que hay que probar en esta vida...
4. Tune Yards - Bird-brains
La primera vez que escuché este disco no esperaba nada especial de él, y debo decir que me dejó sin aliento, hipnotizado. La voz de Merrill Garbus es sencillamente imposible de dejarla fluir sin consecuencias, de las buenas...
3. Wild Beasts - Two Dancers
Hayden Thorpe canta y nosotros, mortales, nos estremecemos con esos gritos de desenfrenada indecencia y lascividad. Letras y música con la libido puesta al servicio de un sonido impecable. Un disco que merece sonar, y sonar, y sonar...
2. Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest
Un disco para perderse a gusto; no sólo de lo mejor del año, sino en mucho tiempo. Sus momentos delicados son tan intensos y tan profundos como sus momentos más aparantemente superficiales. Son de este mundo, pero suenan a uno mucho mejor.
1. Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
Lo amaste. El disco más divertido para mover la cabeza en mucho tiempo. Parece tan fácil y fresco que no puede ser real. Si es o no el mejor disco del año es subjetivo, lo que no acepta discusiones es que es el mejor disco para hacer bailar a las niñas. Con eso basta.
11. Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion
El niño mimado del '09 sin dudas. Algunos les adjudican megalomanía a esta gente, otros genialidad y visión de futuro. Lo cierto es que más allá de lo novedoso, raro, atmosférico, hetéreo y disociado de la época (¿o de todas las épocas?), los A.C. sacaron un disco-obra de arte único que seguramente nos esté abriendo una de las puertas hacia la música del futuro.
10. Post War Years - The Greats And The Happenings
MUSICA con todas las letras. Este disco suena completo como un menú al que no le falta nada desde lo cuantioso hasta los detalles más delicados. Un sonido exquisito e influencias de lo más variadas: jazz, rock, pop, funk, new age. Un joyita.
9. The XX - XX
Divertido y sexy disco de pop para disfrutar con diversos estados de ánimo. Un buen compañero de emociones, muy bien logrado sonoramente.
8. Girls - Album
Difícil describir a un grupo que no es ni del todo novedoso ni del todo clásico: seguramente ahí resida gran parte de su atractivo. Acordes clásicos y letras sugerentes para este grupo que le pone música de fondo a la mejor de las adolescencias.
7. The Antlers - Hospice
Hay luz al final del túnel, pero antes paseemos un poco por el túnel. La primera vez quería llorar y limpiarme las lágrimas con vidrio roto más o menos, pero después me di cuenta de que es una genialidad hasta un poco optimista. Vale la pena el viaje.
6. Micachu & The Shapes - Jewllery
¡Cuánta creatividad que hay en este disco! Sin pretenciones, pero con ideas diversas y exploradoras, este grupo vuelve a poner en el centro de la escena lo divertido que puede ser mezclar emociones, bailarlas y que, encima, quede todo tan bien.
5. Neon Indian - Psychic Chasms
Indefinible, inencasillable, irresistible, bailable. El pop de goma y los sonidos lo-fi a la orden del día para esta discazo con brillo y estilos propios. Una de esas cosas que hay que probar en esta vida...
4. Tune Yards - Bird-brains
La primera vez que escuché este disco no esperaba nada especial de él, y debo decir que me dejó sin aliento, hipnotizado. La voz de Merrill Garbus es sencillamente imposible de dejarla fluir sin consecuencias, de las buenas...
3. Wild Beasts - Two Dancers
Hayden Thorpe canta y nosotros, mortales, nos estremecemos con esos gritos de desenfrenada indecencia y lascividad. Letras y música con la libido puesta al servicio de un sonido impecable. Un disco que merece sonar, y sonar, y sonar...
2. Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest
Un disco para perderse a gusto; no sólo de lo mejor del año, sino en mucho tiempo. Sus momentos delicados son tan intensos y tan profundos como sus momentos más aparantemente superficiales. Son de este mundo, pero suenan a uno mucho mejor.
1. Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
Lo amaste. El disco más divertido para mover la cabeza en mucho tiempo. Parece tan fácil y fresco que no puede ser real. Si es o no el mejor disco del año es subjetivo, lo que no acepta discusiones es que es el mejor disco para hacer bailar a las niñas. Con eso basta.
lunes, 21 de diciembre de 2009
Punk rock lovers
"Peter Shelley"
By Patrick Marber
-------------
Where was I when Kennedy got shot?
Between my mother's legs, getting born.
Georgia thought this was the coolest thing.
It's summer, 1978. We're both fourteen.
We're at the same school in the same class.
She hates me. Because she does.
She's got three items of clothing: a cotton slash-neck
dress down to her knees and a pair of black brogue lace-
ups.
She says underwear's for hippies.
She has three dresses: one black, one pink, one white.
Each month she dyes her hair one of these colours.
She also has different coloured laces.
I like her best when she has white hair, a black dress
and pink laces.
That's what she's wearing the day school breaks up.
I've gone to the record shop to buy the new Buzzcocks
single.
Last winter they'd done a single called 'Orgasm Addict'.
The sleeve was screaming yellow with a collage of a
naked woman on it.
She had mouths on her breasts and instead of her head
she had an iron.
If I could be anyone, I'd be Pete Shelley.
Georgia's coming out as I go in.
'What've you bought?'
She says, 'New Buzzcocks single.'
'"Love You More"?'
And she says, 'Yeah… you like Buzzcocks?'
And I say, 'What's more, they like *me*.'
She smiles a bit, showing her funny, gappy teeth and I
wonder what it would be like to slither my tongue around
in her mouth.
She's not so good looking but she has this way of being
her which is just her thing. I'm no oil painting
either, I suppose.
She thinks about something and then she says, 'Do you
want to come back to my house and listen to it?'
I say, 'Maybe,' and she says, 'Well, fuck off then.'
I say 'Maybe I will fuck off,' and she says, 'If you
want to with me I live above that pub.'
She points.
'The Swan?' I say.
'Go to the black door at the side and push the buzzer
saying "Murphy".’ So I say, 'OK, I'll just go and buy
it myself.' And she says, 'OK', and I say, 'See you.'
I go into the shop and buy the record and I also buy her
a copy of 'Gary Gilmore's Eyes' by The Adverts in case
she doesn't have it. The B side is better than the A
side. It's called 'Bored Teenagers' and the chorus
goes, 'We're just bored teenagers, see ourselves as
strangers', or something like that and at the end the
lead singer (T.V. Smith) goes, 'We're just bored
teenagers, bored out of our heads bored out of our
MINDS', and the way he screams 'minds' is really quite
passionate.
I buy her this record for two reasons: first, I think
she'll be impressed that I've even heard of it and the
second reason is that on the collage on the front cover
it says, 'One rural oaf in Georgia even sent me a hunk
of rope'. I don't know why. But I know from geography
that Georgia is a state in America. I think Georgia
will like seeing her name in print.
*************
So I press that buzzer and she lets me in and I follow
her up a long flight of dark stairs. They have read
lino on them and steel edges so you won't slip. It
stinks of old smells and some new smells, too. As she
goes up I look at the creases in the backs of her knees.
We go into the kitchen and she gets two cans of beer out
of the fridge and throws me one. The fridge is full of
beer. She opens her can and I open mine and we both
drink. Georgia sits on the table dangling her legs and
I lean in the doorway, just leaning and drinking my
beer.
We don't say much.
She says, 'You got a fag?' and I say, 'No, I don't
smoke.' Georgia looks disappointed and then she calls
down the corridor, 'Mum, you got any fags?' and a voice
(Irish sounding) comes back, 'Yeah, in here.'
In our house, our flat, no one smokes and everything is
clean, plus if I invite someone round for tea my mum
will always be there fussing around and making sure
we've got enough food and stuff. Georgia gets up from
the table and says, 'Come and meet my mum.'
We go down a corridor full of old newspapers, beer
crates and musical instruments and speakers all in their
black suitcases. The carpet is like orange fungus on
cheese.
In her mother's room the curtains are closed and she's
in bed. The TV's on showing the horse racing. She
makes a shushing noise to us. The race ends and as it
does she goes, 'Ahh, shite.'
Georgia sits on the bed and gives her mum a kiss. Her
mum says, 'That's your father in a filthy mood all night.
Someone gave him a tip, the "dead-on-certainty" and he's
rushed off to the bookies like greased arse lightening.
Get us the cigs would you love, they're on the table.'
I thought she was talking to Georgia and then I realize,
when nothing happens, that she's talking to me.
I go over to the table. It's a round, Formica pub table
with a rectangular mirror propped up against the wall.
The wallpaper has strange yellow flowers on it. I give
her the cigarettes. There's a book of matches, 'The
Swan' matches, tucked into the cellophane. I say, 'Here
you are', and she says, 'Have a seat then.'
There are no chairs in the room so I sit on the bed, on
the other side from Georgia with her mother in between
us.
The sun is coming in through a gap in the curtains and
wherever the sun touches in the room it looks clean and
everywhere else looks like it's been smeared with
dishwater.
'So, Georgia, who's your friend? Are you going to
introduce us?' Georgia lights a cigarette.
'This,' she says, 'is my friend, Peter Shelley. Peter
Shelley, this is my mum.'
We shake hands.
I say, 'Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Murphy', and she says,
'Call me Claire.'
Then she takes a drag and says, 'Now if you'll forgive
me for a while I need a snooze before we open this
evening.
Will we be seeing you later, Mr. Shelley?'
'I don't know, maybe.' Her calling me 'Mr. Shelley'
gives me a little snigger inside.
'Well, you're always welcome to stay if you want, have
you far to go?'
'The Attlee. On the other side of the park.'
'I've heard it's quite nice, the Attlee.'
'It's OK.'
'Good. Georgia, give him some tea, he's wasting into
thin air.'
'Bye, Peter.'
'Bye.'
On the way back to the kitchen, Georgia has her hands
behind her back. She quickly clenches and unclenches
her hands; three pulsebeats.
*************
In the kitchen she makes tea. She says 'How many
sugars?' and I say three please.
I tell her I like her mum and she says she does too.
She says her mum lets her do whatever she wants. I say
my mum lets me do whatever she wants me to do.
Georgia smiles and gives me a funny look.
I ask her why she said I was Pete Shelley and she says,
'Because I want you to be'; and I say, 'So do I', and
she replies, 'So there you are.'
We go into her bedroom. Ads from the NME are stuck on
the walls, posters of The Clash, Buzzcocks, Sex Pistols,
Siouxsie and the Banshees, Ian Dury, Dead Kennedys and
some others. Records everywhere. Two dresses on a
clothes rack.
I give her The Adverts single and she's pleased. She
touches my arm for a second and I go hard. It's the
weirdest. It goes down after a while.
So we sit on her bed with the mugs on the floor.
We get our Buzzcocks singles out of their bags. We
decide to swap. For a lark you could say. We agree
that this cover is better than the last two ('What Do I
Get?' and 'I Don’t Mind'). It's a pink and purple
graphic of nine rooms seen from above.
The Buzzcocks logo (with the second Z raised above the
first) is in pink in the bottom left-hand corner. In
capitals at the bottom of the sleeve it says UP36433:
LOVE YOU MORE.
The back of the sleeve is more complicated: a cartoon
man and woman are in the same nine rooms but never
together. They're moving speakers around… maybe to get
the right sound. Who knows?
In the bottom right-hand corner room there's a man
holding a board or tray with the letter K on it. It's
hard to say what he's up to. It's all quite mysterious.
*************
Georgia takes the disc out of the sleeve and because
it's brand new it kind of sticks to the paper producing
a tiny static crackle. We look at it.
The first thing we notice is how short it is: 1.45.
The B side which they always call 'i side' is 2.49.
It's called 'Noise Annoys'.
Georgia holds the side of the record with her
fingertips. Her fingers are pretty chewed up but they
look nice all the same.
I sip my tea to be polite. It's evil. The milk's all
sour and floating about.
She says, 'Do you think it'll be quite fast or very
fast?'
I say that as long as it isn't slow I don’t care, but
given that it's very short it will probably be very
fast.
We examine the inner spiral for more information.
Scratched in capitals is says, 'THE CROSSOVER MARKET'.
We don't know what that means.
Then Georgia says, 'Come on, let's put it on.'
I nod. My mouth is full of tea. She puts her hand on
my leg and holds the record with her thumb on the A side
and her fingers on the i side.
I'm looking at her, my face is three inches from hers
and she says 'Spit it out all over me.' I shake my
head. Meanwhile, my cheeks are bulging and my mouth is
smiling. She says, 'Dare you.' Her hand is between my
legs now and she's beginning to move it further up. I
spit my tea in her face and then she buries her face
into mine and it's hot and wet. Her mouth tastes of
beer and cigarettes and she's waggling her tongue about
and I'm doing the same. I can feel her teeth and the
gaps between them and I go, 'I like these bits,' and
then she says, 'They're horrible,' and I say, 'No, I
love them.'
We're like two dogs scrapping.
I can't get my hands and mouth in enough places at once.
I'm thinking I might come any second and I don't know if
this is allowed.
Does she know about spunk? She must do, she's got
'Orgasm Addict'.
I vaguely wonder if she has spunk of some equivalent
thing that would come out.
I hope so.
Suddenly she gets up and puts the record on top volume
and we start squirming about again.
The record plays over and over because her record player
has something that makes it do that. After about the
fourth time we can make out more of the words in the
rushing, relentless noise and we sing along and we're at
each other like mad.
I'm on top of her, her dress is up to her waist and
she's got her shoes on, I put my hand down between her
legs and put some fingers (three) up her and take them
out and taste it. It tastes of God knows what but
something interesting.
Georgia licks my fingers and then wrinkles her nose.
'Do you know what to do?'
I say, 'Not certain, do you?'
She says, 'No, but don't stop.'
She puts her hand down my trousers. She begins to wank
me just how I do it myself and I'm really totally
shocked.
How does she know how to do it? How could she *know*?
I say, 'Don't, I'll come,' and she whispers in my ear,
'Go on then.'
So I do.
She wipes some of it on her sheets and licks her hand
and then kisses me so I can taste some of it.
'Love You More' is tearing out of her crappy speakers.
The song is so loud and fast it just comes and goes and
the ending is desperately sudden and sad. My trousers
are down and her dress is up to her neck, her chest is
as flat as mine. I say too loud right in her ear
shouting over the music, 'Now what?'
She nods and suddenly her mouth is on my cock and her
cunt is in my face and we're wiggling away like fish.
I start to lick all round the area and to be honest I
feel a bit stupid for a second because the music stops
while the record player does its thing and we're just
making these noises. And suddenly I imagine my tongue
is painting in a wall where the plaster's broken off,
which is quite a nice thing to do but only *quite* nice.
And she's kind of gnawing away on some bone I can see
out the corner of my eye and it all seems a bit
ridiculous. I can't quite concentrate on enjoying what
she's doing because I'm having to do the stuff to her
and it's really quiet and just these slippy sloppy
noises but the song starts again and it's OK again. So
we do that for a bit and then when the song begins
again, maybe the sixteenth time, she crawls up to my
face and she says, 'Come on, let's fuck.'
I get on top of her and she smiles and Peter Shelley's
wailing away. I find the right hole quite quickly and
I'm not, to tell the truth, sure it *is* the right one
but Georgia says it is and then when it goes in, we're
both holding our breath and staring wide eyed at each
other and I go, 'Fucking hell,' and she says, 'Jesus
fucking Christ', and we're both sort of laughing and
it's the most totally weird feeling for me so for her it
must be equally if not more weird and I'm also thinking
this is what the world makes such a fuss about your
whole life and I get it now.
I lie on top of her and it goes all the way in and we're
both by this time very sweaty and covered in spit (and
tea and a bit of spunk) and we suddenly lie very still.
Just contemplating our situation.
I say, 'What does it feel like?'
Georgia says, 'I don't know, full, funny, it feels nice.
What does it feel like for you?'
'I don't know, like someone's taken all my skin off and
put me in a warm bath.'
She says, 'Move about, like this.'
She begins to move and I move with her very, very fast
and she says, 'Tell me when you're coming, I'm coming,
tell me when you're coming,' and I say, 'Now, Now' and
we come and then collapse in a heap as they say.
After a while she leans over and unplugs the record
player just before it starts again.
I stretch with her, still inside her. It's quiet.
We lie in each other's arms and then she says, 'We've
lost our virginities.'
I say, 'I thought you hated me,' and she says, 'I do.'
I flick her on the arm and she punches my leg.
And we lie a bit more, doing nothing, contemplating
things again.
Then I start going a bit soft so I say, 'Shall I take it
out now?'
She says, 'OK.' So I do, quite slowly. We both gasp a
little. We really do.
I sneak a quick glance and there's some blood. Which is
OK I think.
She says, 'You've been in the wars.'
She's actually talking to my nob like it's some other
person in the room.
She's holding it very gently, she says, 'You've been in
the trenches.' (We did 'First World War' this term).
I say, 'Are you OK, with the blood?'
And she says, 'I'm dandy,' which I just love.
Then she lights a cigarette and says, 'My first post-
coital fag.'
'Coital's *fucking* isn't it?'
And she says, 'One hundred per cent.'
After a while we get up. We lie on the bed kissing and
stroking each other, listening to her favourite records,
discussing the lyrics, talking about school.
She walks me home through the still summer air. I say I
won't be able to sleep and she says, 'Wank about me.'
I say I will but in fact I won't because I ache like mad
down there.
We sit on the kerb near my flat.
My mother comes out on the balcony, it's getting dark.
She shouts down that she's been worried sick about where
I was.
I say I'm sorry and that I've been with Georgia and this
is Georgia.
My mother knows all about Georgia and she smiles.
She says, 'You must come to tea soon, Georgia.'
We kiss good-bye.
I say, 'I love your hair, I love your dress, I love your
shoes, I love your laces, I love your body'.’ She says,
'Don’t be poxy.'
I go up in the pissy lift feeling like I could eat the
world.
I go on to the balcony to watch Georgia walking away but
she's still standing in the street, smoking.
She looks up at me and says, 'We forgot to listen to the
B side.'
I say. 'Tomorrow?' and she says, 'Tomorrow.' And then
she walks away.
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